Pilates

Well, still no baby news, so I will write about other facets of my life that are exhilarating and exciting.

I have been teaching Pilates now for about two years. I started taking Pilates in NJ, and I think at the time it was more of a Classical approach. When we moved South, I was looking for something to challenge me, since with my background and being very physical, I have to be challenged or I get bored. I looked for a studio, and found a small one only a few minutes away from my home.

I started taking classes and was hooked. The approach they used was Contemporary, and it was something different every day. It wasn't long before I was looking into their internship program. I jumped in and started interning, and doing self study and working out, trying to complete the requisite hours needed to teach. After about seven months, I had finished and began teaching.

It was a thrill to be in front of a class leading them, encouraging them, pushing them. I likened it to the training I had done years ago in the gym, except that was one on one, where this was more of a group setting.
After a while, things happened here and there, which put some distance between me and the owner and after two years there, in October I chose to leave.

True we did have a lot going on, but that is not why I left. Suffice it to say, that sometimes you think you know someone, and then you find out that you never really knew them at all.

I happened to be driving past another studio close by and stopped, asking if they were looking for help. She was, and after a couple of observation hours and a short audition class, I was in.

I have to say this is daunting to me, for one reason only. She is so much better than the owner of the other studio. She is so good, it is freaky. I have watched many classes over the last few months. She kicks ass every time. She uses all her equipment and encourages use of Bosu, Foam Roller, small props..so it is a more well rounded class. Period.

I took my PMA Exam about three weeks ago and passed. Whooohooo! http://pilatesmethodalliance.com/

Next up for me is more training in Miami, in the Spring. I am seeking out her previous teacher, because I want to learn all I can, thus making me a more valuable teacher.

Wish me Luck

Some Sad News

I was a competitive bodybuilder for many years, starting in 1978 and competing in my first contest in 1981. In my travels I had met many wonderful people associated with the sport, and some not so nice. I even went on to write for FLEX Magazine for a while under the tutelage of Bill Reynolds, who passed away in the early 1990's. It is not something i talk of often, because really what's to say? I trained my ass off and dieted for many many years. (Which is probably why now I have no interest in either thing that much!)

Kenny Kassel (above)passed this past week, at his home in NJ, and while I hadn't talked with him in years he will always be remembered fondly. He was a great ambassador of the sport, and for years did promotional work, eventually sending me out to NY on some gigs for modeling. I wasn't really into it, after having competed for so many years, and eventually dropped out of that world all together.

I don't recall missing the bodybuilding world all that much. But I will miss the thought of Kenny. What is ironic is just this past week, I was searching for him on Facebook, hoping to reconnect with him. So sad for me that I will never get to tell him, what a difference he made in my life.

Kenny, if you are up there...Thanks and I'll miss you!"

Another bodybuilding friend, Steve Stone (picture on right) also died this year. I had no idea, until I had read a blurb in a magazine, prompting me to google him on the Internet. I met Steve while working for Flex and did a two page story on him for the magazine. He was likable and friendly and although we lost contact, he is another person from my old days of bodybuilding, who will be sorely missed.

Funny Funny Funny

After rifling though a box of some of my old papers, I came across some notes I had written my mother, about 40 years ago. I routinely sent her mail, (most of it hate mail). After being punished (and not allowed to come downstairs) I would sit on the top step of the forbidden staircase and airplane it down to her. Folded with care and craftsmanship, into a miniature craft looping and twirling its way through the jungles of furniture and folded clothes, hopefully landing in a spot that it would be easily seen.

I never realized that she saved them, but reading them now, they provide enlightenment and entertainment...and it doesn't hurt that they are funny.

One such note goes like this:

In pencil on slightly faded lined paper:

Dear Mom,

( the first line is scratched out, and then I begin again on the second line: Spelling is exact -

every thing I try to do you always blam it on me. how do you know I do it mabye tracy did it

Your frind

Lisa

(Tracy is my sister)

There are others, many others actually. Depending on the punishment the notes were benign to very angry. When I was angry? The name I signed on the note went from "Your frind" to the Green Fanthom. Clearly, I was trying to scare my own mother. But alas the joke was on me!
The Good German could scare the crap out of anyone, even my father, which may have had something to do with why he eventually left.

Yesterday I took the note, and bought a bold, black, frame and now it sits on a table in my hallway.

The version I write about is mild, compared to the rest..." You hate me and like tracy better" was a common theme, and I complained a lot about not getting to wear a pretty pink party dress, (not to a party but out to play) I used the word hate a lot, and even then told it like it was.

Some things never change.

Shower me with Praise, or whatever...

For those of you requesting an email address for me...for I don't know...maybe to shower me with bits of love and praise it is Fizikal599@cs.com. Really I am putting it out there, because to be serious I get more spam than anyone I know. And frankly I'm a little tired of opening my email, only to find ads for nutritional supplements, penile enlargement ,Viagra and someone writing to me claiming to be a long lost relative with lotereee winnings (their spelling, not mine)... So, I'd be more than happy to read anything from complete strangers (except for topics mentioned above.) I am now more than adequately versed on the aformentioned topics.

Speaking of topics...I dragged a new game to my mother in laws for Christmas called Table Topics.

I wish I had thought of it. It is a cube filled with questions, that you sit and ask one another, after a meal (and lots of wine) Trust me when I say the answers get more interesting after a little inebriation! Except for my answers. If anything, unless I really don't want to hurt you, I will tell you EXACTLY how I feel/ ALL the time..there is no guessing, ever! They have many different versions...and while some of the questions were a bit serious, most encouraged conversation, which is a whole lot better than sitting and staring at one another.


Onward:
Seven Pounds Review...

Well after much anticipation, we went to see Seven Pounds last night. Given that we are already fighting a mild case of depression (it's any ones guess why my husband continues to choose these types of movies) I was voting for Yes Man with Jim Carey but lost out.

Honestly? I did not like it, although I'm sure my husbands review was much different. I heard him tell someone over the phone that it was excellent. Well, for me not so much. I found it sad, and although it did have some excellent points, it was too much of a downer for me. That is all I will say without spoiling it for those of you who still want to see it.

The only other thing I will say is If you still text while you drive you are an idiot. See the movie. You will understand.

Operation Crumb Cake and thinking of good things..

Well, holiday season is NOT my favorite. And I suppose it is compounded by the fact that having no kids, makes you that much aware of what you are missing.

But given the state of things in the world, we could be in a worse position. So I am thankful.

And I blog so I don't technically need therapy...

My first sale of crumb cake ( the whole thing) came today, and it was pure pleasure to get the thing ready. It does look good, even if I do say so myself!

I have an account starting after the first of the year and some more accounts I want to go to, but with the holidays I figured I'd wait until people weren't so stressed, so I'll give them a few days. I'll plan my attack for the beginning of next week, and already have five places mapped out to go to.

My excitement level rivals that of the day we found out we were matched with a baby (only without the crash and burn afterward)

With this new match, I have not heard much. I am waiting on social and medical paperwork from the lawyer, and hopefully this young girl is more stable. Hopefully, she can do what best for the baby. Hopefully she doesn't want much more than placing the baby. Where's Juno when you need her anyway?

A fellow blogger said it best. I can't punish her, for what has happened before. We will hopefully let her see the "real us". In the beginning it was easy..we are a funny, likable couple and well, most times come off as such.

But after two heartbreaking incidents, while we are still funny...it is now more intermittent. No more free flowing funniness here. Although, my husband still comes up with some doozies. I have to work a little harder...And I have some friends who make me laugh out loud ( which really if you wanna be my friend that is a pre requisite. ) I gotta be honest though, there is something so NOT funny about losing a ton of money trying to have a baby.

So after being extorted time and time again, you start to see the unfunny, and dare I say we got a little serious. Nothin worse if you ask me. I always try and find the humor!
Of course you don't want to be overly funny when meeting a birth mom for the first time, because then you can kind of come off as slightly maniacal and that can kind of be scary.
(see any earlier posts of my husband doing his shtick or his tap dancing routine for explanation)

Now that is scary.

Orders for
CRUMBS- Crumbcake- 561-389-7348

The Beginning of Something Sweet!

Yesterday, I took samples of my crumb cake to a few spots in the area, I deemed worthy.

I didn't really think about what I was going to say..I just ad-libbed and low and behold, I got my first order, scheduled for after the 1st of the year. I am excited that this endeavor may be my greatest yet.

I am in the middle of so much, but I am making time to trademark and copyright certain things for the cake and I am working on the branding. I know what I want it to look like, but it is trying to convey it to get to the final product , that is the hard part.

Today, I got my second order, and in the midst of all the baby sadness and heartache this little project, is keeping my head above water.

BABY UPDATE:

We did get a call from our lawyer, who said she was presenting us to another birth mom. Excuse me here, If I don't get all excited.

She then called us back later that evening to tell us that we have been selected, by the birth mom. The baby is due in June. I feel nothing.
And since the baby is due in June I am sure there will be expenses that go along with all of this. We still have not gotten money back from the crazy girl from the second match, and to be honest, Ive grown attached to my money. I don't feel like parting with it, even if she needs help? I really don't care right now.

I can't.

We are due for a meeting. I am trying hard to keep my feelings in check, and to realize she is not the same girl. I can't blame this new one. I just hope I can convey how much pain the other girl caused us.

I know this baby will be a boy, given the fact that I have a pink room, pink carriage and bedding and pink clothes. Right now it is too early to tell.

I am not hedging any bets. And I'm not going to be excited until I have a baby in my arms.

CRUMBS

Well, with all this time on my hands, I have decided to take my crumb cake operation city wide.

The crumb cake (sold at Big Daddy's) is a huge seller, and I would be remiss not to want to spread the love so to speak. This crumb cake is like no other. I have perfected a family recipe, and well, after many many crumb cakes later.. I believe it is just too good to not share with the masses.

I am not a crumb cake lover myself. Thankfully. Because had I been in my previous situation (see all relative baby posts) it is safe to say that I would be a member of:
Sugar Addicts, Weight Watchers, Overeaters (but not so anonymous) you get the picture.
It wouldn't be pretty ..that I know for sure.

I'd be hopped up on sugar...waiting for the crash...So thankfully crumb cake does nothing for me. To those who love it, God Bless.

Food Glorious Food

OK, since I have no baby to focus on, my thoughts and attention has most recently turned to food. Not that I don't think about it any other time, I do, but I'm thinking about it maybe more than usual. Redirecting my attention, if you will.

So I have dug out of my big ole recipe book a crab dip that is sure to please! Trust me..I made this for a baby shower once, and everyone forgot about the mother- to-be and instead they were hovered around the dip, like locusts going through a cornfield.


Crabby Baby Dip

Puree in food processor:
8 oz cream cheese softened
3/4 cup mayo
2 tablespoons minced onion
1 teaspoon drained horseradish
1 teaspoon worcestershire
1/4 tspn salt, garlic powder
One 6 oz can drained crab meat

When done, pour into bowl cover top with slivered almonds

Bake about 25 minutes
Serve with crackers (Pepperidge Farm Wheat are the best!)


Enjoy- Get in there fast...you might lose a finger or two if you try to get any when the crowds swarm.

Facebook Update & Pretty Smells

Well, in the couple days that I have been on Facebook I have reconnected with a few of my old friends. As usual, I have done the searching, and on Facebook you send a little note hoping they accept you back as a friend. What if they don't? I'm sure it happens, but could there be anything worse? "No, sorry I don't want you as a friend, never did." So far so good.

I have found:

A best friend from grade school, back in Matawan, NJ

My first bodybuilding coach...from like a million years ago. OK not a million but ..lets' do the math..OK I cheated, I used a calculator...28 years! Twenty eight freaking years ago..I was 18...

I found my nieces

And a few others who I have not written to just yet...

Onward to Pretty smells:

Smelling good is a necessity. But as I wrote yesterday....if you smell bad, everyone knows but you ....and if you use too much perfume, it's as if you are trying to hide something. perfume wearing is an art...subtlty is key... and so few people get this right...

Example: While on the treadmill at the gym, yesterday a woman came up to the the treadmill beside me and hopped on. I smelled her coming a mile away. And while it was a good smell under normal circumstances, (think nightclub or crowded restaurant) it was not good for the gym. Too overpowering. But when you couple that with the outfit she was wearing, I think we all know what signals she was sending out there. ( the see though top and erect nipples also were a dead giveaway, but back to good smell - bad smell... (this itself is a whole other entry re: working out in Palm Beach County)

She had been on the treadmill maybe five minutes...when I started to gag. The whole time I was trying to do my workout, I was smelling toxic perfume gasses, that nearly knocked me out. The smell really could have cripled an army. She was just oblivious...

So while it is good to smell nice...if people in the next county smell you, you've gone too far.

My Perfume Picks:

1. Child Perfume -(Cult fragrance I had in my little shop a few years ago)

2. Marc Jacobs

3. Victoria's Secret Heavenly

4. Juicy Couture- Viva La Juicy

5. Trish McEvoy- Blackberry & Vanilla

6. Michael Kors -Hawaii

Tomorrow it could be a whole other list.....

Josh Kilmer-Purcell's "I Am Not Myself These Days"

This book ...where do I start??I picked it up, honestly because I am sold a lot by the cover. I know that is completely lame, but it is true.
I liked the title and the colors and the little fish, and had already decided to buy it when I flipped to the back for the once over. The captions read "Heartbreaking, funny, great writing, etc.. so I was sold. Of course anyone who knows me, knows I do not like to cry reading books. I used to belong to a book club, that only chose books that made you cry, or they were so completely boring they would make you cry because you couldn't get through them. My test is simple. I read for a bit. I put the book down. If go back...that is the real test. So many times I have picked up books. Good books, heck great books, books people implore me to read. And if I don't go back after reading the first Chapter. I'm done.

I have some of these books, with half turned down page corners, still sitting on a shelf waiting for me to rescue them from the boring book graveyard. Never gonna happen my friend.

Josh's book ( he made me his friend on facebook- yeah!) is so good, it is startling. The writing is clear and dramatic ...and I'm obsessed with his style. His life...completely crazy, but in a nice boy way. He is a drag queen, and he writes from inside of his lonely, but colorful queen world, and also writes beautifully about his other life...the normal 9-5 life which he carries on, in the midst of hyper insanity. Just reading about the hours he kept made me want to take naps. It also gave me a strange craving for vodka, a drink I never drink but one that Josh used to soothe his soul, and keep him company. Hell it might have even been his best friend.

I won't tell you the ending...you have to get the book to find out. but this is one book I read cover to cover in one day, on my horrible work slave trip to St. Thomas. ( I did get breaks and read at night after we were done!)That is how much I wanted to finish it!

Check him out at:

See book cover and cutie pie picture at the top of post.

http://iamnotmyselfthesedays

Do you Smell?

Hmmm, How do I put this....

"How do you know if you smell?" And I mean "you" because hey I know I don't smell!"
I bathe and use this nifty invention that you spray or rub under the armpits, to give you a refeshed sort of odor. On top of why I know I dont smell? I use pretty perfume. I try and stay loyal, ( but this could be an entry all on it's own) to one or two, but I am a fragrance whore . I like it when someone tells me I smell yummy, so I do my best to smell yummy at all times.

Back to broaching the smelly topic with others:

"Excuse me, but you stink"...sounds a little harsh, but really how else can you tell someone to take a shower?

How do you not know you smell? If you are a particularly sweaty person, one would guess a shower or two a day would be sufficient. But some are not showering , AT ALL.

How do I know? I can smell them before they even get into the front door of my store. They look sweaty to begin with and it is the beginning of the day! If you look like you just ran a marathon, before your day gets started? Ummm, you have a problem.

Look, I'd settle if they just scrubbed down once a day. I'm not asking for miracles. Just come into work, and look clean. That is it. It is not difficult.

Also for those still sporting mustaches? There is a fine line between fashionable facial hair, and porno stashes. Know the difference. And maybe it isn't even a line...lemme think a minute....
Nope ...I really don't personally know anyone with good facial hair.

However slight it may be, once you have crossed that facial hair faux paux line into the Porno Kingdom, there is no coming back unless you make a clean break of it.

Goatees? I like them, but only on certain people. Leonardo DiCaprio can carry it off. Most others? Not so much.

In the end, facial hair...is overrated. Do yourself a favor and get rid of it. Why???

Most of your friends, are singing that "bow-chick-a-bow-wow" porno music behind your back...

Facetime on Facebook

I have recently been trying to set up and go about putting myself on Facebook..although I don't know why, really, since I always see to be looking for people from my past, and clearly no one is looking back for me. Oh well.
Like Charlotte Jorg, (she lived across the street from us in Matawan, NJ ) and when we left I only saw her one other time at Hoffman's Ice Cream, in Spring Lake.
Or Spencer Emerson, my first boyfriend, who in the fifth grade took me (on bicycles) to Friendly's for an ice cream cone. He was from Trinidad, a lovely boy with caramel colored skin, and I just wonder "Where did he go?"
Or Pascal Munz..she went to school with me also in Matawan...I don't remember the grade..but I remember her distinctly. I even remember what people were wearing when I first met them. Creepy I know..but some of my memory is so good, I can't help it.
Like Kathy Kegelman, in the sixth grade standing on a hill, wearing a Holly Hobbie Dress, and she had her long golden hair partially pinned up on her head. We became good friends, until years later when she started hanging around a more unsavory crowd.
I can remember all that, but can't remember where I parked the car at the mall.

I hear Alzheimer's calling my name...

Just when I think it is safe...

I don't know.

On top of it being the holiday season, which I hate to begin with, now as much as I love them we are getting holiday cards from friends and family which I love love love. Usually.

But for some reason, this year, it is extremely painful. Just reminds us that we are barren, childless losers...looking to fill the void, with pets, work and other activities ...

2009 has to be our lucky year. If not...I believe I am done on this journey and will have to turn the blog into something else, as the baby whining will be over.

Cheers!

Public Bathrooms and Ugly Truth

I don't know. Maybe it's me. But after traveling, and yes, while I'm not the most cognizant person traveling (xanax and stress- see previous entry regarding trying to get home from St. Thomas as a direct example)...I am quickly brought to my senses every time I walk into a public restroom.

If it happens to be a unisex bathroom I half expect it to be disgusting. I know I am walking into a war zone, and I mentally prepare myself for what I may see.

But the Ladies Room? Dare I say that it shouldn't be called "Ladies" room at all. Maybe we could rename it, because clearly the bathrooms I have frequented, have been not so ladylike.

I wonder, as I go about my business, "Do people really throw used toilet paper on the floor in their own home"? "I have seen such questionable things in these places, that when I walk out, what I really want to do, is take off my shoes and burn them, as well as any other part of my body that has touched anything (purposely or on accident) within the dwelling. I have gotten really good about washing my hands and then taking the paper towel to dry my hands and using it to open the door to leave.

Given the amount of people that I have heard use the restroom, then when you expect to hear the splashing of water, followed by the air dryer or thumping of paper towels being pulled out of the dispenser, only to hear the creaky door swing open wide...most of the people are leaving without washing their hands! I can't tell you how many I have counted, but it is a lot.

Do yourself a favor, and use the paper towel to open the door. Your immune system will thank you.

St. Thomas -Part 2

I'd have to say this was one trip of many, where we have combined both a trip for fun, with work thrown in. When we bought our condo, it wasn't without issues itself, and we wound up a good part of our stay fixing it's ailments and troubles, only to get annoyed and aggravated. What is the point of having a place, that has problems and really needs a complete overhaul?

Our vision was to totally renovate the unit after we bought it, but alas that did not happen. It is unfortunate given that the amount of money and time wasted..after buying it...could have been prevented if we took the month or two it really needed and just got it over with. Lesson learned. Get it done, before the problems escalate.

The next trip, if we get lucky enough to go on one, I would like to not have to do anything. I would like someone to bring me fancy drinks poolside, and I would like to relax. I'd like to go with friends, not members of the "loser single man club" that we have frequently gone with (see earlier posts) and I'd like to enjoy my trip to the fullest.

My dream place...The Ritz Carlton, St. Thomas... I have been lucky enough to have gone there for massages (given to me by a special friend) but we have never stayed in such luxury... although our island friends in the past have always done their best to be accommodating. I would make mojitos all week long! Now that is paradise! Now we are renting our place..so it is back to finding spot to go to. I don;t imagine we will get away again, anytime soon. Our last trip was to Vegas, a year ago to see my family for Christmas. Vegas is a bit creepy but it was nice to see them all in one place!

Here's to that day coming sooner than later!

Special Note:

What made this trip extra special, was that when I was planning it, and booked the tickets...I mistakenly booked our return flight for Saturday afternoon, not Sunday. So when we showed up Sunday afternoon to fly home, SURPRISE! No flight!

Spirit Airlines would not even credit us a tiny bit, not one single cent, and we had to purchase two one way return flights, at the staggering cost of an extra $500.00.

The fact that my husband is still talking to me is a miracle.

My Dog is Dreaming

Baxter lies quietly net to my feet as I type. He is loyal and good. A sweet pup we rescued six years ago, when he was just two.

A white shepheard he is exceedingly handsome, and his once big pink nose, is turning a slightly darker color...perhaps from the sun here in Florida.

He is moving his feet, as his eyes twitch in his slumber. and I wonder what he is dreaming. His breathing grows heavy and labored and now both his front and hind feet twich and move spastically.

"Baxter.." I call out softly to him..not wanting to startle him.. His eyes slowly open and he turns to face me, eyes full of love.

He is my buddy. My baby. For now.

La Cucharacha, the Homeless Dog and the Bad Meal-

I have to say...that there are many things to love about St. Thomas. The weather, the water, the people...all wonderful. But at times, If you are living on island and not just guesting in a hotel, you sometimes, if you look close enough, get to see the rough underbelly of the place, and what it really is like. For those who say they want to live on an island...stay for three weeks , maybe a month..in a rental. Ditch the hotel.

Now, factor in the cost..St. Thomas is an island...everything has to be sent there, from somewhere else. Thus anything you by, milk, gas, WATER, electricity is at a premium price.

If you can get by the cost, you start to look a little closer...

Stray animals are a huge problem, and it doesn't seem to get any better. As we drove to Home Dept, I kept noticing this one adorable little stray hanging around the lot. It was if his owner dumped him and he was just waiting for him/her to come back. Heartbreaking. For two days in a row he was there. By the third day, I no longer would go to Home Depot. The roaches are so big, I swear I could have harnessed a saddle on it, and used it for transportation, and this is the first time I noticed a huge assortment of cats. While I don't love seeing them, they can for the most part fend for themselves. Dog's cannot. Exorbitant food costs for what seem like mediocre meals. Exception: East End Cafe, Roberts) Molly Malone's, which we used to like in the past, was horrible. Inedible.

But then again, in Florida we have many of the same issues. Lousy food, pesky pests, stray animals...I guess when you think of paradise, you just don;t think of those things.

Many times my husband has said he has wanted to go live there, on St. Thomas full time.

Me? I just don't think I am ready for that. Not yet. Work is prevalent and abundant. Give me another year, and I may change my mind. Only problem? I dont think you can bring animals "into" the island.... so where would my pets go?

Extreme Makeover- St. Thomas Edition Part 1

My husband and I arrived at the airport on Thursday headed to St. Thomas, USVI. We were hoping for a few days of reconnecting with each other, in between helping out some close family friends who have a house there, that was in need of some minor repairs. We had with us, a 3 x 5 skylight, that we were told could be boarded and stowed. Wrong. After getting it out of the car, paying the man to bring it in, and fighting with Spirit Airlines finest, they told us that under no uncertain terms could it go. My husband had to run it back ( I don't know how you run with a 3x5 skylight) to the car, and then run back to the terminal. He got there just as we were to board.

Unfortunately, it turned into something much more. Anytime you have a renter, you have issues after that renter has vacated the premises. Given that the house is well over twenty years old, there was just a lot of work to be done, in not a lot of time. I was clear we were not going to be lounging on the beach at all.

I liken working on the house, to when you pull a piece of string from a piece of clothing, hoping to just get rid of the little string, only to have the who garment unravel and fall apart. It seemed to be, that the minute we attempted to fix something, something else then fell apart.

My husband, poor thing, we on the roof for the majority of Friday fixing the skylight, with ...no skylight! The one thing we needed was in Ft. Lauderdale at the airport, so he had to go to Home Depot, ( Lovely people working there but they don't know a thing about Home Improvement) and get the assorted things necessary to try and replace/repair it. A Mickey Duffy, job if you will...Irish Definition: meaning half assed repair job. In the end it worked, but what a job, creating something from nothing. He is a genius.

I did go to the beach for a short time on Friday, knowing it was probably better for me to not be there for the w hole skylight episode, but felt guilty and called him about an hour after having been there to pick me up.

I painted numerous things, (really a miracle as my husband does not let me usually do any household repair things) cabinet, door mouldings, and the front door which was in bad shape. We scraped and sanded and primed, and plastered it...and a day later it was finished. White and a butter yellow color, very pretty, if I do say so myself.

I got some dark brown,, glossy spray paint and gave some old wicker chairs a much
needed face lift, as well as two wicker wastebaskets.

I do love to spray paint. I missed my calling as a gang member...tagging and marking items with secret messages and codes...so instead I rejuvenate old and worn out household items.

But my proudest moment was taking apart the handles of the fridge, and getting appliance spray paint to cover the stains on them. I don't know, (judging by the condition of these handles) if the previous tenant, ever washed their hands..bleach wouldn't even take it out! Truly disgusting.

The house was so adorable and cute when it's owners lived there, giving it a cute and homey feel. I think the house was sad they weren't there anymore....it's misses them , as much as they miss the island....

I've Got Too Much Time on My Hands....

OK, since I don't have the baby I thought I would have by now, I find I am paying attention to things that one might not notice on an ordinary day. Not that I go around completely oblivious to things...but when got out side today...I had a flashback. Walking to get into my car, I felt like Tipi Hendren trying to make it into the phone booth in the classic "The Birds". What I originally thought were Blackbirds, turned out to be (upon further Internet investigation) were "Common Crows".

The birds sit quietly on everything. Just watching and waiting. Alfred really did his homework on the avian pests.
They are a bit too creepy for me. And I really wish they would stop shitting on my car.

My love of the cinema and films came from my mother who loved to watch all kinds of movies, and introduced me and my sister to Creature Feature, Thriller - (the show not the Michael Jackson song) and Alfred Hitchcock. We watched the classics and some not so classic.

She also used to make us watch Jerry Lewis, but that' s a whole other blog.

All Roads Point to Hell

After much conversation, it really is sad that we seem stuck. Mired in the complexity of what to do, where to go, who to turn to , who to believe in, in our attempts to get a baby. We are exhausted and overwhelmed.

The bi racial baby we were contacted about is due in April and it is a girl ...but we just don't feel comfortable forking over another retainer, birth mom fees and unforeseen expenses, in the hopes that we will get the baby. Even though they say this one is low risk...that the mom already has four kids..can't do another one...
I'm thinking" This sounds vaguely familiar"...and as much as we want to believe them, we just don't. Maybe tomorrow will bring better news.

Until then, we are just keeping our heads above water.

Happy Thanksgiving!

In a time where so many are struggling and so much hope has been lost..here is my list of what I'm thankful for:

My husband

Our Freedom

Family

Job

Sense of Humor

Patience

My Animals

And the baby that someday soon will be ours....

I haven't given up yet.

Maybe Christmas will bring a miracle....

Believe it or Not

It's been a week or so, since our world came crashing down around us. I have begun to evaluate or reevaluate my beliefs, about God, the world, and what surrounds me. Not sure if husband is doing the same thing, although going running at 11pm to Ozzy Osbournes "Crazy", should tell you in what direction he is headed.

Hop on over to http://www.beliefnet.com/ and take one of many quizzes to determine what Religion you actually are..

I know some of you are saying"I know what I am!..I don't need a test..."
Well, I thought I knew what I was, until I took the test.

Turns out I am more
Unitarian Universalist....very interesting reading....

As Popeye said ''I am what I am"....

Quote of the Day:

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.

Alexander Graham Bell

"If I Were You"...

Famous words, now recounted by just about everyone I know.

If my aunt had some balls she'd be my uncle. So it is what it is.

If one more helpful person tells me what I "should "do, I am going to stick them in the eyeball with something very sharp.

If I were you, I'd mind your business!

Now Serving: A Heaping Plate of Bitter, served with a smarmy side of "I told you so"

Well for the first time in about a week, my husband and I had a laugh.

A big belly laugh about a stock we hesitantly purchased a few days ago, and violently tried to sell today amid all kinds of verbiage coming from the stock representatives mouth. "Bid" Ask" and market price were being tossed around like a juggler manhandling his wares, and since my husband and I have relatively no trading experience all we wanted to find out was when the stock hit the "price at which we wanted to sell, why didn't it sell"? Turns out the bid price is the price the stock needs to hit before it will sell, and well, it got a bit confusing when i was on the phone with Mr. Stock trader explaining it, and my husband yelling, "I just wanted to make 200 dollars!" As I'm hushing my husband, I'm laughing into the phone saying to the stock man, "Hey we just wanna sell it when it get to this price!" Mr Stock man said , amid hearing all the ranting and raving from my husband said... "Wow it sounds crazy there.., and I said"You think this is bad, yesterday it was like the movie Wall Street in here, SELL, SELL SELL!

I should know all this after taking my Series Six Exam about ten years ago, which I needed a tutor for mind you and I still failed) That was traumatizing. But not nearly as traumatizing as being so close to getting a baby, and having it vanish right before our eyes.

Another lawyer contacted us about a bi-racial baby but after reading her information, the firm would get a retainer of $2500.00 the birthmom gets $5100.00 and the actual adoption costs $20,000.00 save any additional UNFORESEEN expenses.

What I want to know is where does the 20 grand go?. Does the birth mom get it? Do the lawyers take it and go on a nice trip? Do they put it back into the system? Plus, if we signed and the birthmother "disrupted the process" as she called it , we would only get ten thousand back!

I told her, I didn't understand.....and we would pass. After all we already have $20,000.00 out on the street right now...with little chance of getting it back.

We did get a call from our attorney. She said that they had worked out a payment plan for the Babymama, to pay us back. I'm hoping that includes all the time the social worker needed to spend "counseling" her. Since the counseling did not work, I am wanting her to reimburse us.

I'd really like to sue her for emotional distress, too. But they are saying I can't. I wonder. Can't because I wouldn't win? Or because I just can't? Why shouldn't I be able to? She is an adult, and knew what we had previously been through...Shame on her.

I'm going to be googling that. As well as my council man, the state department and anyone else
I can to take a look at this nasty little business of brokering babies.

I have been having vivid baby dreams...all turning out not so great when I wake up. I, as an adult realize it is not nice to wish someone ill will, dying, death, dismemberment...but I would really like to pack up my husband' s trailer with all the baby crap and run her over with it.

Sorry, I just do.

I am not a lunatic...I'm just sad.

Mother fu**er!

Ok, I lied.

This isn't getting any easier. In fact, it sucks way more than it did even a few days ago, because the longer we are on this cruel and unusual ride, the more I realize we may not make it off.

I get up and try to be positive and try to be happy and try to be a forward thinker. Meaning that since our opportunity has vanished and gone, I think of it as burned ashes, and well, you can't reburn ashes that have already been burned. What is the use? So I try and move on, move forward.

But the fact is ...I am still angry at this girl, at the agencies, the lawyers, all the people who turned finding children a home into a motherfucking business. The priority should be the CHILD. The MOTHER? They got themselves into a bad situation. And I feel bad for them about that.
But why the hell should I foot the bill for computers, rent, utilities, clothing,. food and other expenses when the primary factor should be the unborn child. This has turned ugly and really? Some of these girls "double dip", signing with two agencies and getting money from both knowing full well they will not even place the baby at the end...

How can I give a shit about the birth mother, when I am being extorted!

Someone needs to reevaluate the laws governing adoption, and make it clear, that expenses are what is deemed "medically necessary" for the well being of the unborn child - not so that the babmamas out here can get as much swag as an Oscar presenter!

I am calling my representative, and will go to the State Government office if I have to, to get someone to recognize what is happening. It is bullshit.

One of the things my lawyer said was "Oh the best thing you will be able to tell this baby, is that you helped her mother"....

"Yeah....I helped her empty seven thousand dollars out of my bank account".

Back to Life, Back to Reality...

Each morning when I wake to find I haven't died in my sleep from a heart attack over all this...is a good day! So here's to celebrating having our hearts ripped out and being mature and adult enough to get up and carry on as if nothing has even happened.

We are slowly recuperating, kind of like a patient who has suddenly died on the operating table, and the Dr uses the zapper thingy (defibrillator- Ha ! You thought I didn't know the name!) to bring them back to life. Suddenly the flat line...begins to pulse and you see the heartbeat, up on the screen...and you realize....Life...is back.

I'm not feeling exactly that way, but something close. Each day gets a bit easier.

I know the devil woman (OOPS BABYMAMA) had the baby on Wednesday, and I suppose she is back home in her tent, or trailer, or hotel room, given that she really had nowhere to go.

I am assuming the girl who we met is long gone, and has been taken over by a seriously delusional imitation...

I pray for the baby. I pray that she is ok and can thrive.... given her present situation.

As for the Babymama?

Not so much.

Over & Out

This is getting a bit comical. Although really? I am having a hard time finding anything funny about people making a promises and failing to keep them. AGAIN!

Second match, day before induction and the babymama wigs out. The first match two months ago left us reeling with disappointment, and a slight cautiousness.

But after spending six weeks with this girl and making sure she had what she needed and was taken care of, and listened to, and basically catered to, she decided she is keeping the baby.

The same baby she said she didn't want to be "stuck" having. The same baby who she exclaimed she wanted better for. Who she couldn't provide for, because she made bad choices, is nothing and will never be anything. (Her words, not mine)

Sadly that baby, our baby, will never get that chance. Born into a life of less, and I'm not even talking about money...I'm talking about maturity, consciousness, decision making and the grown up world, with a mother who is not even parenting her first child...I'm sad for the baby. I'm sad for us.

I'm angry and it has changed my opinion of adoption (not that we have much choice given our situation.) I am now cynical, and given another opportunity to be matched I'm afraid I will be more than cautious. She has taken my trust and killed it and taken any belief I have that all people are basically good, and threw it down the garbage disposal and grinded it into tiny pieces. I will not believe anything anyone tells me. Ever. Again. About Babies and Adoption. Case Closed.
How can people dangle a baby in front of a couple, so desperate to parent and so desperate to want to experience a new life, that they will say anything to those people and then on a whim, change their mind? How does she live with herself?

There has to be a better way ..a better way to protect adoptive parents wanting to do the right thing. Why are there no laws to help us? All is hear is the Birth mother, the birth mother...and we are left stunned, spewing profanities worse than frothy fans at an afternoon football game, and feeling like we just did ten rounds with Mike Tyson.

I'd also like to say that my exhaustion rivals running the Boston Marathon, even though I have done little but cry the last few days.

It would be nice if I could find a nice warm womb myself and crawl back up there, and hibernate, given what I know about the mean and cruel pregnant women who say they want to help a couple to have a baby, and all they are really helping themselves to is a tide me over, cover my expenses ride to fantasy land.

Babymama's - Mani -Pedi - $100
Babymama's Groceries-$400
Babymamas Cell Phone- $100

Babymama in hotel with her mother and her other kid, with no job, no insurance, no common sense, no money and a serious bout with depression....

Priceless.

As Ready as we Can Be....

Baby's room is just about done...save for a few little things, which will get done in due time. We have the basic things we will need.. and now we just wait for the phone call. They are inducing on Tuesday evening, and hopefully we will have our daughter by Wednesday.
This whole process has been so overwhelming, that at times we seem to be just fumbling along. We are anxious for this part of the journey to be over, and even more anxious for the new phase of our life to begin.

Ready or Not

After going to the Dr with the babymama on Friday, she did ask to be induced and we were given the date of November 18th.

Nine days and counting down...

It is surreal, that it is happening so fast. We are totally unprepared ...but when are you ever prepared?

I have gone and bought the requisite items from the store..diapers, bottles etc...and will go today to get paint and the crib and rocker.

My husband doesn't want to paint the room given we are only here temporarily, but I think it is a necessary thing. A little color will brighten the room, and make it special.

My life is about to change. Our life is about to change.

Here's to a life changing 2009!

Baby Love

Well, things are moving along.

We had a nice visit from the very social, social worker to update our home study and only have a few minor things to get to finish up all our paperwork. We are on our way.

I head to the Dr with out Baby mama tomorrow, for a checkup and along with the social worker to determine how the birth will go. We are trying to establish ourselves with the hospital and the Dr so it will make for an easier transition after the birth.

The baby mama has inquired as to an induced labor and birth thus making it easier for everyone involved. We are hoping this can be determined tomorrow, and we can schedule everything else around this big event.

She still doesn't know what she wants: help in the delivery room, seeing the baby afterwards, I think she just doesn't know.

We will be anxious, joyous, sad and happy that day. We feel an overwhelming tug at our hearts for the baby's mother...how bittersweet the day will be, with us gaining a daughter, and her letting one go.

I hope we have the strength to get through it all.

Time will tell.

Getting Ready...

Our birth mom has been steadfast in her decision to not change her mind, which has presented us with a few issues.
Number One - Holy crap were getting a baby!
Number Two- Oh my god we have no idea what we are doing, as evidence by our most recent trip to Babies r Us, which left us feeling like we were tourists in a foreign country.
Strollers, cribs, bath stuff...the market has been inundated with products since I remember my sister going through all of this about 15 years ago. Holy cow, how does anyone make a decision????

Thankfully, I have been given some good advice by my sister in law and some thoughtful friends who know I am a blind man in a china shop. Or should I say blind woman???Nevertheless, while it does make it less confusing, I am now terrified. Of what I don't know and what I DO know and what my husband doesn't know.
Scary...scary..scary...

I did go out to purchase a few books..on all things baby ( after the delivery of course) and in reading, aside from feeling sick all went well!

In five weeks we will be parents.

While I was trying to not get excited, it happened while I wasn't looking and now, I'm on a baby roll.

All in all, I think it will be fine. The birth mom has another appointment at the Dr's next week which I will attend, and then we will have a little spa day ..just me and her. Kind of a little papering day for her, to let her know ..that we care about her and the baby..

Well, I'm still working on the registry...who knew we needed so much stuff??

It's Raining Babies

Well, within the last two weeks we have gotten numerous calls to match us up with birth moms carrying infants to be born within a few weeks.
We are hesitant and reluctant to even speak about it, given the nature of our luck on this topic so far, but ...we have been picked by one of the girls and she is due at the end of November.

It is never an easy situation, adoptions, I mean. Most of the young women putting children up for adoption would rather be keeping these children if not for a number of plausible reasons.
No support, no education, and a very bleak outlook on life for starters.

It was incredibly sad to be sitting in front of the birth mother, her sobbing and starting off the conversation..

"I am alone" "I have no one and my life has no future."

Her family is fractured, her boyfriend is a lousy older man who lives at home with his mom, and fathers children out of wedlock in addition to working at Bingo for a living.

She seems lonely, and afraid. She is like a little bird, too afraid to fly.
I am hoping we can help her someway after the birth, to move forward with her life.

And:
I am hopeful that this will be the one.

She invited me the other day to the Dr's. It was just a checkup but she had gotten bigger, and we heard the baby's heartbeat.

It's a girl.

I am trying not to get excited, and I really have felt nothing up until I heard the heartbeat.

Another agency called and also told us we were the first choice of a young couple up in Northern Florida. Due same time, and having a girl. We unfortunately could not commit due to our prior obligations to the first birth mom.

Hopefully our situation works out. I am scheduled to go to the next Drs appointment with her and I have her cell phone number to keep in touch, although calling is awkward because I dont want her to feel like I am stalking her.

She is severely depressed and just having a hard time in general, and while I am trying to be supportive, it gets really hard having one sided conversations. So I try and ask her questions, general things, that hopefully do not bring up painful memories...

I think she understands our pain, our conflict and the fact we have been down this road before, although not quite this far.

Here's to making it the entire trip.

Money Spread out like Grass Seed

Seems like we have a lot of money spread out all over the state of Florida at various adoption agencies and attorneys. We are hoping that this method will get us a baby sooner than later, but we have heard nothing from any of them.

So we will sit and wait patiently.

We have redone our "Life Books" which are books given out to birth mother's, in order to help them make a decision in whom to choose. And hopefully the nice, colorful story of our life will propel us into someones heart.

Hopefully.

Things are Cookin' at Big Daddy's

Well, Big Daddy's has been open now about six weeks.

We are plugging along, doing very well considering we have done little to no advertising, except word of mouth. Ads will be running soon, with deep discounts on family meals and individual dinners, so we expect to be busy-busy-busy.

I am spending most of my days monitoring the goings on at Big Daddy's, trying to keep the staff happy and trying to make sure they are keeping busy when it does slow down.

Sometimes, it doesn't matter what kind of business, every one's ego needs to be stroked. Some people need to be babied (which fits in nicely since I have none) and some are just arrogant and obnoxious.

I especially don't like those who take advantage of others being "nice", and I don't like people who expect to be paid for doing nothing. If work were meant to be fun, it wouldn't be called work, it would be called "FUN". But is isn't and there is a reason why.

I'm all for having a good time. As long as the work is done.

To reach Big Daddy's in Palm Beach Gardens, FL 561-691-2154.

UGGGG, I'm 46...

Well, my birthday has come and gone. 46 about a week ago. I don't feel too different, although I am tired a lot, which I was before I was 46 so I'd have to say for right now things are the same. Another year older, time flies. Where does it go?

A new business, a crumbling economy and still no baby. We have sent out feelers (and money of course) to other agencies, in the hopes that being on a few different lists will provide faster results.

I don't dare talk about the economy, because honestly what is left to say? It sucks and is not going to get better anytime soon. We will have to ride out the worst of it to hopefully get to the other side.
It just doesn't look good.

I was secretly hoping that the birth mom would change her mind back, but so far not a peep. I guess she isn't watching the news and isn't scared of the economy and what's to come. I wish I was her. 16 and oblivious to the world around me living in a me-me-me bubble, only thinking and caring about myself.

But I don't. I worry for all those losing their jobs, losing their houses, losing their minds.

In Indiana, they came up with a law saying that a parent can leave a baby at a hospital, if they are not able to care for them properly, with no consequences. They have also just passed a law allowing parents to drop off a child AT ANY AGE, because they can't or don't feel like they can care for them. One man recently dropped off his entire family ranging from 1 to 17. Five kids!

The job of any parent is to accept responsibility for having those children. Now if you can drop off a child of any age, because suddenly you are overwhelmed, it will flood the already overcrowded and dismal foster care system, choking it's resources, so that those truly in need will no longer get the help that is already limited.

You can't just drop off kids, because things get hard. I wish I had the opportunity so many take for granted. And it is perhaps my greatest sorrow that I may never get the chance.

What is wrong with people?

What is happening to our country?

Rhuematiod rears it's ugly head

Well, this last week, probably has been the worst of my life so far.

A new business with the stress that goes along with it, the sad news from our adoption agency that the birth mother has changed her mind about placing her baby with us, and my 46 birthday is rolling near.

Ultimately when I was diagnosed with RA about seven years ago(ironically right after I got married) I went through a period of time, that was trial and error with medication and modifications to my life in order to best manage this debilitating disease.

It is insidious for a number of reasons, mainly because the damage being done to joints is not visible to the naked eye. Many days I look fine, but am fighting the effects of the disease, mainly fatigue, soreness, joint pain and swelling. RA is a auto-immune disease. The body views the synovial nucleus of the joint as foreign matter and the white blood cells attack the affected area, leaving it inflamed, and terribly painful. It is the worst pain I have even felt, with major painkillers unable to quell the searing jolts through the joints...rendering you disabled.

So, while I LOOK fine...I most days, don't feel fine.

Last night as the evening progressed, I felt that all too familiar tinge of pain weaving it's way through my left knee.

By the end of the evening, I could not bend my leg to get in the car and let out a huge "Yelp" as I tried to maneuver my way into the car sideways.
It was back.

I haven't had a flare up in years, due to the fact of Enbrel a weekly injectable I had given myself, regularly up until recently. I had developed a chronic sinus thingy which when you have an infection you cannot take Enbrel. So with much trepidation, I stopped the Enbrel, figuring my sinus thing would clear and I would get right back on. But that is not what happened. Chronic sinus conditions ebb and flow, coming and going and just when I thought it was getting better and I could take the injection, it would come back. Long story short, I have been on and off the Enbrel for more than several months. Thus my flare up.

I guess I was also secretly hoping that I would wean myself off, as I am taking so many meds now, the thought of taking one less was a hopeful one. It was not meant to be.

So I cannot work today. Not in Big Daddy's, not at my regular job, at the Pilates studio. Vicoden takes the edge off, but it doesn't make me comfortable, and I am like a prisoner in my own body.

In a day or two it should dissipate, allowing me to return to my normal activities. But until then...

I am bedridden, watching the food network.

Now I am hungry.

Riding on the Rollercoaster of Life

Sometimes, it seems as if we have been on a huge, menacing roller coaster on our quest for a baby. (Which I loved as a kid by the way, but now hate as an adult). We have been coasting along, slowly climbing the hills with exciting anticipation with each phone call or surrogacy trial only to reach the tip top and come barreling over the edge, feeling totally and fully out of control.

The ups and downs of life are what make life, well life..If everything stayed on an even keel so to speak..it would all get kind of boring I guess.

So after getting exciting news a week ago that we had been chosen by a birth mom to be parents for her child, we got a call yesterday telling us that the birth mother had changed her mind, and is keeping the baby.

What can you do?

She is 16 and has no idea of what lays ahead for her. I feel badly for the baby, as I believe that she is being selfish and putting her own feelings before what is good for the baby. Am I angry. Yep. But, I'm letting it go. I'm tired. I'm tired of being angry, and I'm taking the approach that perhaps this wasn't the baby that needed us most.

I'll hang onto my hope. It is all I have left.

She changed her mind once, she may change it again. While we wont wait for that it is always a possibility.

Until then I guess Big Daddy's will be our baby for now.

Big Daddy's Finally Open

Big Daddy's finally opened over Labor Day weekend, with much success. The hard working kitchen staff, kept at it, during the swells of customers, and then got right back into prepping food for the next day. With a few kinks to work out, and some small bumps along the way, we are betting on a great year for a great new franchise.

Jost Van Dyke- BVI's

One of the prettiest places..anywhere...



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bUteT7cuqY

A Surprise Phone Call....

Early Friday morning August 29, the phone rang. I looked at my caller ID and noticed it was our adoption agency.

Nervously I picked up the phone, really not knowing what to expect. What I thought was that our agency contact, was missing paperwork, or needed a check.

What she told me was somewhat different.

We have been chosen by a young girl, to be parents for her baby.
She is due October 25, and so the madness starts. Halloween Baby!

It was overwhelming, and scary to finally be getting that call. I almost keeled over, and peed in my pants at the same time.

We are absorbing and adjusting, and while we believe that this will take place, there is always the chance however slight that the girl could change her mind. She has twenty four hours after the birth to do so.

We will meet her in a few weeks, and hopefully that will solidify her desire to place the baby with us....

When one door closes another one opens....

Kenny Chesney- West Palm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wqv9rmyaBY8

It was a hot and steamy night in South Florida on Thursday, when Kenny Chesney took the stage at the Cruzan Amphitheatre in West Palm Beach, Florida.

We were lucky enough to be invited and had floor seats about eight rows back. It was a great concert, even though the heat was unbelievably bad!

Uncle Cracker came on for the last few songs and, the finale which was great.

See the video of one of our favorite Kenny songs "On the coast of somewhere beautiful".....

Time is Marching On

As Gustav rumbles past Cuba and Haiti, we are thankful that he is not headed our way at least at this point).

We are still waiting for our funds from our escrow account at the other agency so we can set up a new account at our attorney's office and get this ball rolling. I think at this point, I'd rather skip the whole thing and adopt a little pup I saw instead. Way less emotional.

Summer is almost over! And that makes us here in Florida happy. The hurricanes and the heat take a small break and let us relax a bit. Of course they keep lengthening the hurricane season...so now it extends into early December, but still that gives us six worry free, slightly cooler, less humid months to enjoy.

Winter in Florida...still the best, minus the traffic, and pushy Northerner's. I can say that since I am from there!

Fay, Fay go away....

We are smack in the middle of hurricane season here in South Florida and Fay is making her way up through the Keys.

Right now, it doesn't seem to be an issue for us here on the east coast, other than massive amount's of rain. As we get closer I am hopeful that the wind won't pick up too much... Florida living is nice with the exception of the long, humid and hot summers and hurricane season!

SwingTime

I love to swing. Love, love, love it.

Ahem, I know what your thinking!

No not that kind of swinging!

Who can forget the lazy days of summer as a child, swinging into oblivion on the swingset at the local park or school?

I for one, still indulge in this happy habit, if I can find a good sturdy swingset to climb on...trouble is, not all swings are created equal.

It has to be BIG. The bigger the set the higher the swing. It has to have a wooden seat...non of those crappy rubber straps ..who thought of those anyway..they crush your legs together, making them look fatter than they are, and they are so uncomfortable that the quality of the swing or ride if you will is diminished.

A soft landing is my third requisite, given I still like to jump off when I can!

If you haven't SWUNG in a long long time, next time you see a set, STOP. Get out of the car and scramble on top. I bet you feel the flutter in your stomach like you did when you were a kid.

Pump those legs hard and fast and soon your toes are reaching for the sky...tilt your head back and straighten your arms and lastly close your eyes. Remember. Let it sink in. Relax and let go of worries and be a kid again. If only for a few minutes.

You won't regret it.

Separating from Agency

At this point we have decided to separate from our agency, that handled our egg donation and our surrogacy matching. After speaking with an attorney who informed me that by law in Florida agencies are not allowed to charge a matching fee, I am perplexed as to the next step. After we receive our funds from escrow, we will decide what to do about that then.

We are going to see Charlotte Danciu, a Delray Beach based adoption attorney who if nothing else will be able to provide us with a few more tidbits, on what our previous agency was and was not allowed to do. Also alarming, that the agency in question was not licensed. Who knew?

Charlotte, I have been told, has been in the business for more than twenty years, and her experience in the field is reassuring She has no magic formula, and as for adoption, she stated point blank: The cases of the cheerleader, getting pregnant by the football player, isn't the scenario usually.

Specifically the girls who are seeking out adoption, are poor, on meds, have family issues such as abuse or incest.

it doesn't leave me with a happy feeling, but I'm not giving up just yet.

her very informative web site:

www.adoption-surrogacy.com

E Trade baby

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xQLTxvDkk4

This is adorable...

Chinese Deaf Dancers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkNya5lpKgE

Energy Muse

I love Energy Muse. They are a company that hand makes jewelry and each piece has a distinct meaning, and power. Normally they are worn for ten days and removed, ( to have them specifically work for the name intended ( above bracelet is called "Empowerment". I wear mine all the time, sometimes forgetting to take them off....They are not only pretty to look at, but they make great gifts. Check out the website at:

http://www.energymuse.com/

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Well, we left this morning to head to the Ft Lauderdale Airport (after a hearty breakfast of homemade waffles!). The girls flight was due to board at 1:00, so we got them there in plenty of time.
It was sad to see them go...it was nice to hear the house filled with chatter and laughter.
I hope that it isn't another year before I get to see them.

I Want Candy

I love candy.

I always have.

It has been my one nemisis ever since I can remember. As a small child , I could literally smell it, whereever it was, hidden or not.

I was a candy supersleuth. And, I'm not picky.

If all the good stuff was gone, I'd eat Jordan Almonds (eating the candy off the nut and spitting the rest out), I'd eat Necco wafers, which my mother tried to convince us was candy but tasted more like an antidote for a sick stomach, and last but not least, I'd eat the bakers chocolate my mother had stored in the cabinet for baking.

It was rich and dark, but had NO sugar. So I got creative. I'd sprinkle table sugar on top of the chocolate, and while it wasn't as satisfying as my favorites, in a pinch..it worked.

I'd like to say my appetite for candy has dissapeared but alas, it is still lurking inside. I still love chcolate, and sour gummi bears are #2 on my list!

Cry Baby

As for baby happenings, I for one, am not looking forward to any more of it. The paperwork, the conversations, the legality, and the financial considerations are exhausting and overwhelming, and for right now I've had enough.

My husband is ready to jump right back in and get his proverbial feet wet, but for now I am testing the waters.

Things that have been taking my mind off babies, are in no particular order:
Eating, shopping, and more eating and more shopping. As long as I bypass any baby stores, I'm good. For some reason the baby isles seem to be stuck in the middle of the stores, so now I skulk around the perimeter of said stores, only venturing in to the abyss of the middle if I absolutely have to.

But no matter where I go, babies are everywhere.

Except at my house.