Riding on the Rollercoaster of Life

Sometimes, it seems as if we have been on a huge, menacing roller coaster on our quest for a baby. (Which I loved as a kid by the way, but now hate as an adult). We have been coasting along, slowly climbing the hills with exciting anticipation with each phone call or surrogacy trial only to reach the tip top and come barreling over the edge, feeling totally and fully out of control.

The ups and downs of life are what make life, well life..If everything stayed on an even keel so to speak..it would all get kind of boring I guess.

So after getting exciting news a week ago that we had been chosen by a birth mom to be parents for her child, we got a call yesterday telling us that the birth mother had changed her mind, and is keeping the baby.

What can you do?

She is 16 and has no idea of what lays ahead for her. I feel badly for the baby, as I believe that she is being selfish and putting her own feelings before what is good for the baby. Am I angry. Yep. But, I'm letting it go. I'm tired. I'm tired of being angry, and I'm taking the approach that perhaps this wasn't the baby that needed us most.

I'll hang onto my hope. It is all I have left.

She changed her mind once, she may change it again. While we wont wait for that it is always a possibility.

Until then I guess Big Daddy's will be our baby for now.