Over & Out

This is getting a bit comical. Although really? I am having a hard time finding anything funny about people making a promises and failing to keep them. AGAIN!

Second match, day before induction and the babymama wigs out. The first match two months ago left us reeling with disappointment, and a slight cautiousness.

But after spending six weeks with this girl and making sure she had what she needed and was taken care of, and listened to, and basically catered to, she decided she is keeping the baby.

The same baby she said she didn't want to be "stuck" having. The same baby who she exclaimed she wanted better for. Who she couldn't provide for, because she made bad choices, is nothing and will never be anything. (Her words, not mine)

Sadly that baby, our baby, will never get that chance. Born into a life of less, and I'm not even talking about money...I'm talking about maturity, consciousness, decision making and the grown up world, with a mother who is not even parenting her first child...I'm sad for the baby. I'm sad for us.

I'm angry and it has changed my opinion of adoption (not that we have much choice given our situation.) I am now cynical, and given another opportunity to be matched I'm afraid I will be more than cautious. She has taken my trust and killed it and taken any belief I have that all people are basically good, and threw it down the garbage disposal and grinded it into tiny pieces. I will not believe anything anyone tells me. Ever. Again. About Babies and Adoption. Case Closed.
How can people dangle a baby in front of a couple, so desperate to parent and so desperate to want to experience a new life, that they will say anything to those people and then on a whim, change their mind? How does she live with herself?

There has to be a better way ..a better way to protect adoptive parents wanting to do the right thing. Why are there no laws to help us? All is hear is the Birth mother, the birth mother...and we are left stunned, spewing profanities worse than frothy fans at an afternoon football game, and feeling like we just did ten rounds with Mike Tyson.

I'd also like to say that my exhaustion rivals running the Boston Marathon, even though I have done little but cry the last few days.

It would be nice if I could find a nice warm womb myself and crawl back up there, and hibernate, given what I know about the mean and cruel pregnant women who say they want to help a couple to have a baby, and all they are really helping themselves to is a tide me over, cover my expenses ride to fantasy land.

Babymama's - Mani -Pedi - $100
Babymama's Groceries-$400
Babymamas Cell Phone- $100

Babymama in hotel with her mother and her other kid, with no job, no insurance, no common sense, no money and a serious bout with depression....

Priceless.