Rhuematiod rears it's ugly head

Well, this last week, probably has been the worst of my life so far.

A new business with the stress that goes along with it, the sad news from our adoption agency that the birth mother has changed her mind about placing her baby with us, and my 46 birthday is rolling near.

Ultimately when I was diagnosed with RA about seven years ago(ironically right after I got married) I went through a period of time, that was trial and error with medication and modifications to my life in order to best manage this debilitating disease.

It is insidious for a number of reasons, mainly because the damage being done to joints is not visible to the naked eye. Many days I look fine, but am fighting the effects of the disease, mainly fatigue, soreness, joint pain and swelling. RA is a auto-immune disease. The body views the synovial nucleus of the joint as foreign matter and the white blood cells attack the affected area, leaving it inflamed, and terribly painful. It is the worst pain I have even felt, with major painkillers unable to quell the searing jolts through the joints...rendering you disabled.

So, while I LOOK fine...I most days, don't feel fine.

Last night as the evening progressed, I felt that all too familiar tinge of pain weaving it's way through my left knee.

By the end of the evening, I could not bend my leg to get in the car and let out a huge "Yelp" as I tried to maneuver my way into the car sideways.
It was back.

I haven't had a flare up in years, due to the fact of Enbrel a weekly injectable I had given myself, regularly up until recently. I had developed a chronic sinus thingy which when you have an infection you cannot take Enbrel. So with much trepidation, I stopped the Enbrel, figuring my sinus thing would clear and I would get right back on. But that is not what happened. Chronic sinus conditions ebb and flow, coming and going and just when I thought it was getting better and I could take the injection, it would come back. Long story short, I have been on and off the Enbrel for more than several months. Thus my flare up.

I guess I was also secretly hoping that I would wean myself off, as I am taking so many meds now, the thought of taking one less was a hopeful one. It was not meant to be.

So I cannot work today. Not in Big Daddy's, not at my regular job, at the Pilates studio. Vicoden takes the edge off, but it doesn't make me comfortable, and I am like a prisoner in my own body.

In a day or two it should dissipate, allowing me to return to my normal activities. But until then...

I am bedridden, watching the food network.

Now I am hungry.