I have been thinking a lot lately. About ending the Blog, about ending the quest for a baby.
Even though we are matched, (and the baby is a boy!)I am just not feeling it this time around. I don't want to be involved. After being at the ultrasound last week, and seeing her with her mother and the birth father, my hopes are diminished that she will place. And it was difficult. I just don't want to put myself out there anymore. I just want to get on with living my life. I guess I am tired of the ups and downs of the last eight years. This long journey has taught me a few things. Patience, and the knowledge, that no matter how much we want something, doesn't mean we always get it.
If I had a given, where I knew the birth mother was not just taking my money to live, to then change her mind at the end, I may be feeling different. But right now, with no guarantee, I'm just not sure I can do this anymore.
Monday, February 2, 2009
End of my Rope
Posted by Lisa at 12:37 PM
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2 comments:
I feel for you, I couldn't imagine going thorugh that, being infertile is hard, but, that must have been so much harder. Everyone says "just adopt" but they have no idea how hard it is to adopt, I can understand why you would have enough of it, I don't think I'm strong enough to adopt, it's too hard, the never knowing. Hugs.
I've been reading your blog for awhile, but haven't commented at all. My heart goes out to you. It took my husband and I almost 4 years to get pregnant, and it's definitely a challenging journey. I think you have to go with what your gut tells you is the right thing. Only you can make the call when enough is enough. Good luck with whatever you decide.
Jennifer
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