Mission Accomplished

I left the house, early this morning, to make my way up to Orlando for the transfer. It was humid, and my windows kept fogging, but I eventually settled into my 2.5 hour drive and listened to an audio book, "My Sister Madonna", by Christopher Ciccone. It kept my interest and with the exception of a few tell tale tidbits I didn't hear anything that would make Madonna mad...her brother was praiseworthy, even if she is an ego maniacal control freak.

I thank god every day that I am not "Type A" with the fervent desire to control each and everything at arms length. It really must be exhausting. My attitude at this point is, I do what I can, and if I cant get to it, I'll get to it tomorrow.

As I get older, I find that I am more relaxed in my approach, to just about everything. Hopefully, it works to my advantage at some point.

I arrived in Orlando at 7am, and made my way into the clinic with Dunkin Munchkins for all...(cept me!)

Our surrogate was already in the back, a little loopy and ready to go. We had some conversation with the docs, signed some paperwork, and I donned my cute paper coveralls and hairnet and cloth booties to allow entry into the transfer room.

As we wheeled back together I held her hand, and she held mine, and I felt an obvious and overwhelming connection with her.

They readied her and I continued holding her hand...and as I watched the screen on the ultrasound machine, I believed I was watching a miracle.

"All we need is one", and they have implanted two.

There was some serious discussion prior as we originally wanted three embryos, to have our best chance, but the Dr. deferred and said he was not comfortable. After some heated exchanges, we relented and chose two of the best looking embryos, to be transferred.

After the procedure, we wheeled her out, and I sat with her some more. We waited and talked and marveled about what science can do.

We were passing good feelings, karma and whatever other positive forces we had between us back and forth, and she looked me square in the eye, and said, "This time it's different...You're here."

It was the least I could do, and yet the two prior transfers I had let her go it alone. I apologized to her, and she was sweet. " But your here now, and that makes the difference", she said.

We sat in silence for a moment or two while we held hands, and breaking the silence, I told her "I just want to thank you for all you have done for us"...she smiled and said " I told you in the beginning, I would see you through to the end".

She is on bed rest for the next few days, and I will send her something. To let her know she is in our thoughts.

I told her to relax and not to worry...that it is our of our hands, and what will be, will be.

Wish us luck.

Time is on our side

Upon reviewing the last years posts during this phase of retrieval/transfer we seem to be ahead of the game...
We still have eight embryos, and they all look promising.
Tomorrow is a day when we will most likely not have much contact with the clinic as they ready the surrogate for our transfer early on Tuesday morning.

As a show of solidarity I will take the ride to Orlando early that morning to be with her....it is the very least I can do at this point.

This is what we will need for our embryos to transfer well...a blastocyst...
which is the best we can hope for.

They will most likely put in one more embryo, making the total three...given that this will be our last and final attempt.

Do we still own Cuba?

This was a question I heard today, while the nice bag boy was bagging my groceries.
Then he told me "I think they found George Washington's House"...at the same time, the boy checking me out (no not physically, but my groceries) was asking me if the U.S. Virgin Islands was in the Bahamas...

If this is our future...God Help Us.....

Plus here down South they always want to help you out with the groceries which is nice, if I were 80 or had children (but I don't). While it is nice, if you are not helping the men, then leave me alone already!

It is so annoying, in the most completely southern, nice way. Why can't they be rude like in Jersey?

Day Three and Counting Down!

Well, today marks Day three of our embryo retrieval. Our little guys are hanging in there with a few splitting to eight cells and a few at six cells.

They look strong, the embryologist said, so we remain hopeful.

Here is a gander of what these little guys look like

Day Two

Just got a call from the clinic...

All eight embryos are looking good! They are hanging in there growing, slow but steady wins the race!
We will get THE call tomorrow, as to how many look good, the transfer Tuesday morning, and the rest of the juicy details.
It is exciting.
And scary.

All at once.

Fostering Girl's & Young Women...

Check out Dove's website

"The Dove self esteem Fund" at

www.dove.com

There are many different ways to help someone see their beauty...There are all different shapes and sizes of woman and that we ALL are beautiful in our own unique way! Stop conforming to society and be proud you are different and not like everyone else!

Thank god for differences! Who would want to look at a population that looks all the same? Not me....

Get involved. With your own children or mentor someone else's! Let's spread the word that beauty isn't just skin deep!

Day One Fertilization Pictures

Day One and Counting

Here is a picture of what our little embryos look like right now.

Mixing a baby cocktail

Today was retrieval day, and our egg donor produced 16 follicles.

We will most likely get a call from the clinic over the weekend, and they will tell us if and how the embryos are progressing.

On day five, which is Tuesday, they have earmarked that day as " transfer day". We should know at that point, which embryos are the strongest, and most viable.

We hope there are some strong contenders this time around. I have a good feeling, but I am trying not to get excited..yet.

Stay tuned...

Six Day's and Counting

Saw a great site the other day http://www.beadforlife.org/- See pic to the left..

It is an organization selling beaded handmade jewelry from women from Uganda...beautiful and colorful bracelets and necklaces, easy to order and not expensive! Shop for a good cause!

On another note:

I'm on my carb watching plan, and it is now day six. I have of course added in one cheat day a week ( which was yesterday) and was not used wisely I might add.

After cooking all day Saturday for a get together, I was repulsed by all food, by the time the shin dig started.

What I really wanted earlier that day was MCDONALD'S. Hail to McDonalds. Did I have it?
Nope.

My husband convinced me that Italian would be better.

I don't understand the logic, but I deferred, and had Italian ( slice of pizza, plain!) and a few bitefuls of pasta.

It was not the same.

Not nearly the same as a Happy Meal with a cheeseburger and small french fry.

(That is my usual order)

The burger cooked to perfection with cheese, all melty and warm, fattening and addicting, I know...

And the fries!

I usually eat my fries first. It is a small package, and hell by the time I'm into it , they are gone, but it does give me a taste. I don't have to be a glutton.
Would I like a Quarter Pounder with Cheese? You betcha. Throw in a large fry and I'm happy as a clam. Sometimes I don't even feel bad after eating McDonald's!

Sometimes I do...but honestly?

Not that much.

On another note....

Roger Federer, the gig is up.
Right now Nadal is kicking your ass, and I am loving it.

And I hate tennis, by the way. So, I really do not care who wins or loses Wimbledon, however my husband is a fanatic, thus I have been relegated to watching these matches ad nauseam, and it is just killing me.

Please no more tennis!

Running still sucks

Made it to the gym, by 6:30 A. M.

We go early as it is the only time, that it is not too overcrowded. I guess people in Palm Beach Gardens, have nothing better to do than to go to the gym all freakin' day long. This is the busiest gym, I have ever frequented in all my 20+ years of going to gyms around the country. Seriously. There is not a time during the day when it is not busy.

So, that being said, it's annoying.

Old people, young people, younger girls who are wearing get ups that if their moms knew what they were wearing would die...I cant believe they leave the house like that. Worse than that are the 40+ women who THINK they are in good shape wearing outfits to rival the twenty somethings looking for attention. Ladies! Keep your ass cheeks in your shorts!

When I am running, the last thing I want to look at is your fat ass, jiggling out of shorts that are way too short!
Its hard enough for me to run, without being distracted...and not in a good way, mind you.

I ran a bit more, and actually got up to 7.8 speed for a few minutes, without needing oxygen. Dare I say I'm making progress?

I still hated every minute, but felt a wave of euphoria wash over me as I neared the finish. Must be those perky endorphins.

Tomorrow is another day.

Today began day one of my no starch during the week. So far so good. Then again it is only 9:00.

Here we go again

Well, it has been more than a few months. Wasn't really sure I would continue with the blog, as no one reads it but me, but we are giving it one more try.
Im seriously more than ready. I will be 46 this year...Hard to believe. We have our donor, and our surrogate who has bravely decided to hang in there with us.

All in all, with the money flying out the window at this point. Who cares? We are in knee deep anyway, so what a few thousand more?

Another dilemma all together, is how to get my fat ass into shape.
It is a sad fact that Im chubby. I have tried just working out, and with my back ground honestly, it should be coming off, but I guess I can't eat carbs anymore.

Sucks! I could eat bread, NO, I could live on bread...who ever said "Man does not live by bread alone", got it all wrong.

Bread and butter, bread and cheese, bread and peanut butter and jelly, I am not picky. Ill even eat days old bread, not so fresh. Cold, hot out of the oven, toasted, dunked in homemade gravy, (I have even dreamed making my own loaves)...

Doesn't matter. Rolling up that doughy goodness and savoring it bite by bite...can't get much better, unless of course there is pasta!

Give someone a big bowl of pasta with homemade gravy, some Parmesan and some mozzarella, you could end wars, I swear. A big Italian meal always generates good conversation, smiles and a full stomach. Who could be pissed off after eating that?

With carbs as the enemy, I have declared war on my midsection.

I aspire to have some kind of six pack, if it kills me. Hell, Id settle for a four pack at this point.

With my roll, hugging my every step, I vowed once seeing Sarah Jessica Parker in SiTC, that I would get in shape.

Jen are you out there?

July is the month. I am giving myself til the end of July to have some discernible difference in my Siamese twin.

So instead of dieting like a fiend, I will omit starchy carbs and sugar during the week.

We'll see what happens.

I started quasi running at the gym, with my husband who deems my efforts pathetic.

I am working slowly to garnering any stamina, left in the 45 year old body that I have. I can run a few minutes, but eventually I am just walking. It is a mental thing, I know, but I cant seem to push past it. So I walk- run for twenty minutes.

I will push to 30 and see if that helps. Running is a slow and painful thing...I never liked it. Ever. But I do like finishing.

Period. But to start..well lets just say it is a bit easier with a ipod shuffle, which muffles the whimpering, cries and moans leaving my aged frame.

I thought about blogging just on the horrors of running. The mental finesse one needs to accomplish the lofty goal of running more than a few mere minutes, is astounding.
How people three times my size, are on the treadmill pounding away for like an hour is beyond me. They must be on crack or some other numbing drug.

Physically, I am not a huge girl. Woman, whatever. When I say run my fat ass off, I don't mean it literally. I carry my weight in my arms and stomach. The rest of me is ok. So. when someone larger than me, runs and makes it look easy? It is annoying, on every level.
I am athletic, I am strong, but I have the wind capacity of a hamster.

It is, Im afraid , pathetic.

So I go to anything that will help, with the exception of anything illegal. My visual at this point is the commercial, (can't remember what it is for) where the girl is running and she has two, (TWO!) amputated legs and she is running on these bouncy sort of man made limbs.

As I run, ( gasp, gasp gasp,) I think to myself, "God if the girl without legs can run, what the fuck is your problem!?" Unfortunately I don't have the answer. I believe my husband finds the answer filed under "laziness". My filing system would have it filed more under "More painful, than the most painful death".

See, I am a stocky woman. Not tall, never been tall. But muscles I have and the power to go with it. Ask me to hoist your desk, your refrigerator, hell maybe even your car, and I could probably do it, and that would push to most definitely do it, if someone was in danger.

However, with all these short twitch muscles, (muscles made for quick explosive movement,) there is no long distance anything in my repertoire. Unless maybe there is a snack at the end.

So running, not sprinting (which I did in high school fairly well)is not something near and dear to my heart.

But I am trying.

I doubt I'll ever like it but my goal day to day, is to not hate it more. If I can stay status quo, I'm winning the war!

Either way once this retrieval this time is done (July 11) I will wait to hear whether these little buggers decided to stick and if so, I will have nine months of ass kicking workouts to focus on.


We have talked with the adoption place, and alas no teenagers getting knocked up yet this summer. We are on hold, in an infinite holding pattern.

It not like I want to wish an unplanned pregnancy on anyone, but why does everyone start behaving themselves the minute our paperwork has been finalized?
Jeez...

Work had been intermittent, picking up hours here and there, since my coworker Julie is on vacation and my boss Shawney, just home from Viet Nam with her little girl.

Sometimes that is hard. Being around or with people who have babies, just magnifies what you don't yet have, and it is heartbreaking in ways I cant explain.

I guess unless you have been there, explaining it makes no sense.

Still...running for my life.

Long Time

It has been a seriously long time..although I have to say , I haven't got much to say! We are knee deep in an adoption process right here in our homestate of Florida, and we are doing our last and final attempt with our surrogate and a new egg donor.

I cant say Im excited about either as each process has taken a toll, more mentally than anything. It is hard to live in a constant state of waiting.

We are waiting for a baby, waiting for this house to sell, waiting to build the house we will finally live in and not have to move again... and waiting waiting, waiting, and more waiting. It wil be sweet when the wait is finally over on all fronts...