And Another Thing...

It is unbelievable to me to think that on a hot and sunny Florida day, people are still driving around and leaving dogs in their cars, while they run their numerous errands.
I don't get it! Can't the dog stay home?

Why do people need to bring them everywhere? I have a dog whom I love dearly. Matter of fact because I love him so much, I choose to leave him at home, because that is what is best for HIM.

I see many, many dogs barking, scratching, and crying for their owners to let them out of a overheated vehicle.

Think about it. If you sat in a hot car with the windows up almost all of the way..how long would you last before it got to be too much? The inside of a car heats up quickly, sometimes reaching over 100 degrees in the mid summer months in less than five minutes!

So next time you are on your way out, and the sun is shining, leave fido at home. It is safer for him that way!

While I'm at it...

Just because you carry a child in utero and deliver that child, that does not make you a parent. Parenting, happens after the birth of the child, when one takes care of, pays for and raises the child, in question.

Pure Frustration

It seems to me, that on top of having to wait to be reimbursed for our money from the first agency (whoops they spent it!) and having to shell out hundreds more each month for this new birth mom, I feel worn out. Angry. Angry. Angry. It makes my back want to seize up like a crotchety old car engine, that has had enough.

The agency states they used our money for daily expenses to run said agency- seems a little Ponzi-schemeish, and then when new suckers (I mean parents) want to adopt, that money also goes into a kitty. They should have been able to pay us back, this month and next, except for one tiny thing. There are no birth mothers. (there is that nasty, nasty word again!)

So with all the potential baby mamas gone (maybe they are on vacation?) I don't have a hope of seeing all that money at once, back in my bank account. What I can hope for "He" said, was a little here, a little there. What can I say? I'd rather have my money at once like I paid him, not like I'm bringing home tips from a titty bar. But that does not seem likely. We did agree if anyone should drop off a baby, that we would be called at once.

Oh yeah..one more thing. The drivers down here in Florida suck. Now given that 95% of the people you meet say they are from somewhere else, that would mean all the sucky drivers, who cant use a directional, drive 20 mph in a 40 mph zone (applicable mostly to the over 70 set) and who cannot figure out how to drive around a circle, or rotary or roundabout, are starting out driving badly and then move to Florida to showcase their driving skills.

P. S If you are driving a Bentley and cannot see over the steering wheel because you are 80, get a driver! You obviously have the coin! Hmmm, maybe not...though now that I thin k of it. Madeoff, made off will a lot of peoples money around here, so maybe they just fired the driver. Either way, move to the right and let me pass already!

Let's Be Clear

I suppose if one wanted to go off on tangent, one could get critical about the terminology used herein. Given that I do not make these words up "Birth Mom , Birth Dad, etc.. . and the like...they have been utilized by more than one professional in this arena. Attorney's and social workers alike, even Dr.s involved that we have been dealing with, throughout this horrific process, have at one time or another used all of the above.

I am not being disrespectful. I am using terminolgolgy that has been presented to us in legal documents. And while we are on the subject of respect, I don't see anyone clamoring about my rights to be called anything other than what we are at this point: adoptive parents, intended parents, or cash cows for that matter. That is exactly what we are.

So for those offended by my insensitivity to the birth mother, excuse me for not being more sensitive to HER, but after two failed or disrupted (another legal term) adoptions, and paying thousands of dollars for nothing, (that I will not get back) I'm calling it what it is at this point. Disrespect? Never. I have never disrespected the girls or young women who promise to place and then change their mind. It is their legal right. But at the same time, no one is worried about being insensitive to us.

If you have adopted through this process, and have had an adoption go wrong, than you will feel my pain, and understand the agony and devastation that has enveloped my husband and myself. You will understand the bitterness and the sarcasm, and realize that my pain is woven throughout this blog, in quiet desperation of not knowing where or when or if this will ever happen.

If you have adopted and had everything go as planned, shame on you, for making accusations, and assuming you know anything about this. If you think I am being disrespectful, I am sorry for that, but I am calling it what it is. If an attorney sits in front of me and introduces the young girl "Wanda, the birth mother", and you do not like that I'm not calling her the Parent..maybe it's you that is being sensitive.

Perhaps you would prefer prospective birth mother, birth father, adoptive mother, adoptive father...whatever. After years of disappointment, I am exhausted, and I am sorry I am not calling people by their proper titles.

P.S. Terminology (including but not limited to BabyMama, (also a major motion picture) and BabyDaddy) and attitude, sprinkled with a little bit of bitterness used in each posting, after each failed placement throughout this blog, can be defined as "sarcasm". Get out a dictionary.

Why is it...

That some kids nowadays, cannot make change without a cash register telling them what they will give back?

If they had to...the fear that slowly spreads across their faces is priceless.

"You want me to do what?" Just for fun, give them a penny and see what happens. I should film it and put it on You Tube. To all the educators who are sending kids out into the world without being prepared...I know you can only do your best, but it is frustrating owning a restaurant and just the level of mediocrity in the help is maddening.

Employees literally have to be told what to do every second. They cannot think independently for themselves, and do not do more than asked. EVER.

Also they cannot seem to speak without using the word 'LIKE" a million times.

We had an employee, who sat at the front register and was literally picking her zits, while she was talking to me.

Conversation went like this:

Me: (Watching her do the dirty deed) "Stop touching your face!"

Her: "Oh, was I doing something wrong?"

Me: "Are you kidding me?"

Her: "What?"

Me: "Go to the restroom and wash your hands and stop touching your face~! You are handling food!"

Her: "Oh OK.."

Another quality employee:

First day to work:
15 year old- first job
Shows up wearing gold sandals, a belly shirt, low rider pants, long, lovely hair flying all over the place, wad of gum in her mouth to rival the size of a small infant sock. As I spoke to her, she twirled and fidgeted with her hair the entire time.

"Yes, I'll have some chicken with hair on top"! Yummy!

What the hell?

Do these kids live in caves? Does no one teach them appropriate behavior? How to dress, how to carry one self, how they want to be perceived?

I'm guessing they must live with monkeys because even the very worst parent can't be as bad as that!

Or maybe they can....

The future's so bright......it is creepy to think that when I will be collecting social security (yes I know it wont be there when I need it but I can dream!) these little idiots will be running the show!

Thanks to the minions

Thanks to the two or three people out there who consistently follow this blog. I appreciate you checking in!

To the others who have come but left, viewing nothing here as useful, thanks for stopping by. You probably have babies, and so my whining and crying probably isn't all that attractive to you, and hey I get it. But then again you already have plenty of whining and crying so why listen to more?

To anyone else, who just looked and left, thanks a lot.

I don't have a lot of time to follow others blogs even though I would like to..This year I will make more of an effort.

Happy New Year!

A little news, but nothin' to get all excited about!

Our lawyer called the other night, to tell us, that she will be getting our new baby mamas medical records and social history out to us. Can I say I really don't care? I'm not really in the mood to peruse papers about someone I don't know, and frankly don't care to know at t his point. I wish we could skip the formalities and just get right to the baby part.

Where is Juno dammit?

Well on second thought I don't know if I would have wanted her either, because at some point her relationship with the Dad to be became a bit ..ummm inappropriate.

I guess I just want the baby. I don't want to hear her sad story. I can't care about her. The past has been to painful and as much as I can let that go and move on, I don't want to dig myself into a hole ( unless it is one to China where I could possibly pick up a baby!)

So we wait. For paperwork. For more expenses. For more phone calls.

It is going to be a long wait.

But it's not like we have anywhere to go!

P.S. Why do we always need to get these girls cell phones? Isn't a calling card good enough?

Pilates

Well, still no baby news, so I will write about other facets of my life that are exhilarating and exciting.

I have been teaching Pilates now for about two years. I started taking Pilates in NJ, and I think at the time it was more of a Classical approach. When we moved South, I was looking for something to challenge me, since with my background and being very physical, I have to be challenged or I get bored. I looked for a studio, and found a small one only a few minutes away from my home.

I started taking classes and was hooked. The approach they used was Contemporary, and it was something different every day. It wasn't long before I was looking into their internship program. I jumped in and started interning, and doing self study and working out, trying to complete the requisite hours needed to teach. After about seven months, I had finished and began teaching.

It was a thrill to be in front of a class leading them, encouraging them, pushing them. I likened it to the training I had done years ago in the gym, except that was one on one, where this was more of a group setting.
After a while, things happened here and there, which put some distance between me and the owner and after two years there, in October I chose to leave.

True we did have a lot going on, but that is not why I left. Suffice it to say, that sometimes you think you know someone, and then you find out that you never really knew them at all.

I happened to be driving past another studio close by and stopped, asking if they were looking for help. She was, and after a couple of observation hours and a short audition class, I was in.

I have to say this is daunting to me, for one reason only. She is so much better than the owner of the other studio. She is so good, it is freaky. I have watched many classes over the last few months. She kicks ass every time. She uses all her equipment and encourages use of Bosu, Foam Roller, small props..so it is a more well rounded class. Period.

I took my PMA Exam about three weeks ago and passed. Whooohooo! http://pilatesmethodalliance.com/

Next up for me is more training in Miami, in the Spring. I am seeking out her previous teacher, because I want to learn all I can, thus making me a more valuable teacher.

Wish me Luck

Some Sad News

I was a competitive bodybuilder for many years, starting in 1978 and competing in my first contest in 1981. In my travels I had met many wonderful people associated with the sport, and some not so nice. I even went on to write for FLEX Magazine for a while under the tutelage of Bill Reynolds, who passed away in the early 1990's. It is not something i talk of often, because really what's to say? I trained my ass off and dieted for many many years. (Which is probably why now I have no interest in either thing that much!)

Kenny Kassel (above)passed this past week, at his home in NJ, and while I hadn't talked with him in years he will always be remembered fondly. He was a great ambassador of the sport, and for years did promotional work, eventually sending me out to NY on some gigs for modeling. I wasn't really into it, after having competed for so many years, and eventually dropped out of that world all together.

I don't recall missing the bodybuilding world all that much. But I will miss the thought of Kenny. What is ironic is just this past week, I was searching for him on Facebook, hoping to reconnect with him. So sad for me that I will never get to tell him, what a difference he made in my life.

Kenny, if you are up there...Thanks and I'll miss you!"

Another bodybuilding friend, Steve Stone (picture on right) also died this year. I had no idea, until I had read a blurb in a magazine, prompting me to google him on the Internet. I met Steve while working for Flex and did a two page story on him for the magazine. He was likable and friendly and although we lost contact, he is another person from my old days of bodybuilding, who will be sorely missed.

Funny Funny Funny

After rifling though a box of some of my old papers, I came across some notes I had written my mother, about 40 years ago. I routinely sent her mail, (most of it hate mail). After being punished (and not allowed to come downstairs) I would sit on the top step of the forbidden staircase and airplane it down to her. Folded with care and craftsmanship, into a miniature craft looping and twirling its way through the jungles of furniture and folded clothes, hopefully landing in a spot that it would be easily seen.

I never realized that she saved them, but reading them now, they provide enlightenment and entertainment...and it doesn't hurt that they are funny.

One such note goes like this:

In pencil on slightly faded lined paper:

Dear Mom,

( the first line is scratched out, and then I begin again on the second line: Spelling is exact -

every thing I try to do you always blam it on me. how do you know I do it mabye tracy did it

Your frind

Lisa

(Tracy is my sister)

There are others, many others actually. Depending on the punishment the notes were benign to very angry. When I was angry? The name I signed on the note went from "Your frind" to the Green Fanthom. Clearly, I was trying to scare my own mother. But alas the joke was on me!
The Good German could scare the crap out of anyone, even my father, which may have had something to do with why he eventually left.

Yesterday I took the note, and bought a bold, black, frame and now it sits on a table in my hallway.

The version I write about is mild, compared to the rest..." You hate me and like tracy better" was a common theme, and I complained a lot about not getting to wear a pretty pink party dress, (not to a party but out to play) I used the word hate a lot, and even then told it like it was.

Some things never change.

Shower me with Praise, or whatever...

For those of you requesting an email address for me...for I don't know...maybe to shower me with bits of love and praise it is Fizikal599@cs.com. Really I am putting it out there, because to be serious I get more spam than anyone I know. And frankly I'm a little tired of opening my email, only to find ads for nutritional supplements, penile enlargement ,Viagra and someone writing to me claiming to be a long lost relative with lotereee winnings (their spelling, not mine)... So, I'd be more than happy to read anything from complete strangers (except for topics mentioned above.) I am now more than adequately versed on the aformentioned topics.

Speaking of topics...I dragged a new game to my mother in laws for Christmas called Table Topics.

I wish I had thought of it. It is a cube filled with questions, that you sit and ask one another, after a meal (and lots of wine) Trust me when I say the answers get more interesting after a little inebriation! Except for my answers. If anything, unless I really don't want to hurt you, I will tell you EXACTLY how I feel/ ALL the time..there is no guessing, ever! They have many different versions...and while some of the questions were a bit serious, most encouraged conversation, which is a whole lot better than sitting and staring at one another.


Onward:
Seven Pounds Review...

Well after much anticipation, we went to see Seven Pounds last night. Given that we are already fighting a mild case of depression (it's any ones guess why my husband continues to choose these types of movies) I was voting for Yes Man with Jim Carey but lost out.

Honestly? I did not like it, although I'm sure my husbands review was much different. I heard him tell someone over the phone that it was excellent. Well, for me not so much. I found it sad, and although it did have some excellent points, it was too much of a downer for me. That is all I will say without spoiling it for those of you who still want to see it.

The only other thing I will say is If you still text while you drive you are an idiot. See the movie. You will understand.

Operation Crumb Cake and thinking of good things..

Well, holiday season is NOT my favorite. And I suppose it is compounded by the fact that having no kids, makes you that much aware of what you are missing.

But given the state of things in the world, we could be in a worse position. So I am thankful.

And I blog so I don't technically need therapy...

My first sale of crumb cake ( the whole thing) came today, and it was pure pleasure to get the thing ready. It does look good, even if I do say so myself!

I have an account starting after the first of the year and some more accounts I want to go to, but with the holidays I figured I'd wait until people weren't so stressed, so I'll give them a few days. I'll plan my attack for the beginning of next week, and already have five places mapped out to go to.

My excitement level rivals that of the day we found out we were matched with a baby (only without the crash and burn afterward)

With this new match, I have not heard much. I am waiting on social and medical paperwork from the lawyer, and hopefully this young girl is more stable. Hopefully, she can do what best for the baby. Hopefully she doesn't want much more than placing the baby. Where's Juno when you need her anyway?

A fellow blogger said it best. I can't punish her, for what has happened before. We will hopefully let her see the "real us". In the beginning it was easy..we are a funny, likable couple and well, most times come off as such.

But after two heartbreaking incidents, while we are still funny...it is now more intermittent. No more free flowing funniness here. Although, my husband still comes up with some doozies. I have to work a little harder...And I have some friends who make me laugh out loud ( which really if you wanna be my friend that is a pre requisite. ) I gotta be honest though, there is something so NOT funny about losing a ton of money trying to have a baby.

So after being extorted time and time again, you start to see the unfunny, and dare I say we got a little serious. Nothin worse if you ask me. I always try and find the humor!
Of course you don't want to be overly funny when meeting a birth mom for the first time, because then you can kind of come off as slightly maniacal and that can kind of be scary.
(see any earlier posts of my husband doing his shtick or his tap dancing routine for explanation)

Now that is scary.

Orders for
CRUMBS- Crumbcake- 561-389-7348